One of us has to go - the spider or me

I'm beginning to wonder who really lives at my address. I thought it was me and my family. We pay the mortgage, we mow the grass, we take in the mail. But after yet another morning attempting to sweep away the spider cob webs (of my mind - couldn't resist) along my front porch, I'm beginning to wonder.
There's not just one cute little spider web. There's an entire family system in every corner of my porch - at the eaves, around the light, at the window, in the seams. I'll confess I'm not a big spider fan though I always appreciate the beauty and intricacies of a complex spider web. But when there are bug carcasses, spider pods, spider webs and little and big spiders at every turn - making my house look like something out of the Adam's Family - I have to protest! Help! Why is this happening?
I already feel badly about the dead deer. They're dead because we built on their land (poor Bambie!!) Is our house built on a spider cemetary ala Poltergeist? Do I have to move?

I would love to hear if anyone else in Olneyland has the same problem and has a suggestion for how I can safely move this spider family to another location so I don't have to sell my house!

Out-of-County Experiences

Taking advantage of Maryland's tax-free week, my kids and I went shoe shopping yesterday. Although Olney boasts multiple grocery stores, banks, fast food restaurants, salons and yoga studios, a person needs to leave town in order to find shoes. So up to Columbia Mall in Howard County we trekked.

After perusing small shoe stores in the mall, we finally found what the kids needed at Nordstrom. After ringing up our sale, the clerk was about to put the new shoebox in a paper shopping bag when I quickly offered her my reusable shopping bag. The clerk smiled knowingly and asked, "Are you from Montgomery County?" I guess our county's bag tax and my desire to be environmentally friendly have conditioned me to bring cloth bags (almost) everywhere.

Shoe mission accomplished, we contemplated stopping at JCPenney when we heard loud (even louder than me, my kids claim) exclamations of two thirty-something women gawking over a clothing purchase from ...  JCPenney: "This fabulous find was marked down and I had a great surprise at the register!" "Oh -- let me see!" Squeals of delight echoed through the mall as one woman pulled out a red striped shirt out of a plastic bag (remember, no bag tax here).

My kids and I whirled around to see what all the excitement was about. "Are they commercial people?!" my 10-year-old exclaimed. I expected to find myself either on Candid Camera or on the set of advertising shoot. Commercial or not, we then decided not to go to JCPenney, but to return home to Olney. Enough out-of-county experiences for one day.

The Donation Jar Dilemma

Before the swimming season ended, our team held a informal barbecue dinner where each family donated $10. I entered the team's kitchen area to contribute my share, spied a jar labelled "Donations" and told the mother in charge of food that I was donating my money. Waving a $20 bill, I was just about to put it in the jar and take out $10 in change ... when she turned around to answer a question in the kitchen.


I paused awkwardly, not sure what to do. I couldn't leave all $20 in jar, but I also didn't want to rummage for change and look like I was stealing from the jar. Glancing around self-consciously, I cleared my throat and asked, "Uh, I have this $20 bill. Can I get change from the jar?" The food mom turned around briefly and smiled, "Sure." Then I repeated for good measure to everyone within earshot, "I'm putting in $20" so I'd feel less foolish/look less guilty fishing $10 out of the jar.


Then I realized that I was having a Seinfeld moment -- like George at the pizza store in "The Calzone" episode. Just when George puts cash into a tip jar, the cashier looks away to answer a question in the kitchen. Of course George then tries to grab it back but the cashier turns around, thinks that George is stealing from the jar, and then chases him from the pizza store waving a huge metal pizza spatula. 


These incidents bring up the familiar philosophical question of "When a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" Well, if a person puts money into a donation/tip jar when no one is looking, does it count? I think so but obviously George didn't. Bon appetite!