Monday, August 9, 2010

Game Theory of Wedding Anniversaries

Yesterday, my husband forgot our 12th wedding anniversary -- but I'm fine, because I won. Over the years, our wedding anniversaries have evolved into games of Chicken (two drivers careen towards each other on a collision course, waiting for the other to swerve first; one must swerve or both may die in the crash, but the first to swerve is the "chicken"). We wait for the other spouse to say "Happy Anniversary!" (HA!) first in order to see if s/he even remembers the anniversary. If by noontime no one has said anything, then (in a perversion of Chicken) the first spouse to HA! the second spouse wins and the second spouse is exposed as having forgotten the wedding anniversary in the first place. Yes, the strategy of the Chicken Wedding Anniversary game is to hold out and therefore test the other spouse's memory before saying HA!, but not for too long; otherwise, you look like the loser who overlooked this special day.

For our 1st anniversary, my husband and I raced to be the first person to gush HA! No silly mind games like Chicken for newlyweds. On our 2nd anniversary and isolated at home with a colicky baby, I phoned my husband at his office in the afternoon and asked, "Do you remember what day this is?" Silence on the other end. I won that first round of Chicken.

During the ensuing years, our record was fairly even; I'd forget some years and he'd forget other years -- but one of us was always the winner. On our 9th anniversary, we both lost. At Disney World, we spotted an elderly couple with adorable matching Disney-issued Wedding Anniversary Pins, cooed at the cuteness... and then looked at each other with quizzical expressions, "Wait, isn't our anniversary around now ... uh... it's today?! HA!" That evening, my husband purchased a cartoon wedding anniversary card, and then told me to save it for the following year.

He more than made up for the card on our 10th anniversary. After a whole day without a single HA!, my husband presented me with an eternity ring. I reciprocated with two marriage joke books from the MGH Women's Board Used Book Sale. No one lost this round of Chicken, although my husband definitely won in the gift selection department.

This year I played the Chicken Wedding Anniversary game coolly -- I waited until noon and called him, reached his voice mail and left him a message: a mundane question about the car and, oh by the way, HA! An hour later he buzzed back and admitted that he hadn't remembered our anniversary until listening to my message. However since he was in San Francisco, it was still morning for him and therefore technically he hadn't lost; in Olney I had already crossed into the afternoon. Despite these time zone differences, I think I still won. HA!

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