One of us has to go - the spider or me

I'm beginning to wonder who really lives at my address. I thought it was me and my family. We pay the mortgage, we mow the grass, we take in the mail. But after yet another morning attempting to sweep away the spider cob webs (of my mind - couldn't resist) along my front porch, I'm beginning to wonder.
There's not just one cute little spider web. There's an entire family system in every corner of my porch - at the eaves, around the light, at the window, in the seams. I'll confess I'm not a big spider fan though I always appreciate the beauty and intricacies of a complex spider web. But when there are bug carcasses, spider pods, spider webs and little and big spiders at every turn - making my house look like something out of the Adam's Family - I have to protest! Help! Why is this happening?
I already feel badly about the dead deer. They're dead because we built on their land (poor Bambie!!) Is our house built on a spider cemetary ala Poltergeist? Do I have to move?

I would love to hear if anyone else in Olneyland has the same problem and has a suggestion for how I can safely move this spider family to another location so I don't have to sell my house!