Two Housewives on a Power Walk

Wendy and Kelly are on a morning power walk when Kelly says, "I hate going to the grocery store."

Wendy sympathizes, "I know everything is so expensive and I never know what to buy."

Kelly, "It's not that, Olney is such a small town I always run in to someone and a quick trip becomes an hour long discussion."

Wendy, "That's what you get when you know everyone in town."

Kelly, "I know, but I don't like having to hide behind a display to avoid someone."

Wendy giggled, "Who were you hiding from?"

Kelly, "Sally, I saw her come in and I quickly turned down an aisle so she wouldn't see me. She is recruiting volunteers for Field of Screams."

Wendy, "I know I already signed up to help with concessions."

Kelly sarcastically replied, "Well good for you!"

Wendy, "Hey, you can always do what Nancy Reagan taught us Just Say No."

Kelly, "I know. Just explain to me how for the 'Real Housewives' on Bravo volunteering means getting dressed up, having your hair and make-up done and going to gala events with your gay husbands. For me it means standing in some cold concession booth, taking money from a bunch of giggling tweens."

Wendy, "If our volunteering was like that we could get Patty to help out."

Kelly, "Well they got me."

Wendy asked, "What do you mean 'they got you'?"

Kelly, "While I was dodging Sally I literally ran right into Valerie."

Wendy started laughing, "Oh no, she probably signed you up for 3 other things."

Kelly, "She tried, but I said I could only do one, and with Sally standing there I agreed to work concessions at Field of Screams."

Wendy, "Oh come on, you know we always make it fun."

Kelly, "I know, but it's in my DNA to complain about something."

As they got closer to Kelly's house, she said, "I'm going to start going to the Harris Teeter in Fulton, it will probably be quicker and I won't know anyone."

Wendy said, "Fat chance, you know someone everywhere."

As Kelly turned up her driveway she said, "Same time next week?"

Wendy who had already picked up the pace and had her cell phone out yelled over her shoulder, "Absolutely."

Another Self-Checkout Adventure

In "Do I Have a Choice?" (posted 9/19/10), I described my ambiguous relationship with the self-checkout lane at Giant -- ambiguous because although the user pad asks for my opinion on the final purchase total ("Amount Okay?), it never actually listens to my response ("No, amount is not okay; take off 25-50%").

Yesterday the register offered its own opinion when I mistyped a produce code (I didn't need to look it up; I just copied it off the item's sticker). I caught my error and hit "clear." Before I even had a chance to begin retyping the correct number, I was greeted with a high-pitched, electronic "Oops!" I quickly looked around; no one seemed to have heard that disparaging squeal. I could have sworn that voice was mocking me.

Then I purposely entered the incorrect code for another piece of produce and hit "clear" again. Silence. Hmm... I tried again. No chiding voice. Was I hearing things? Was I going crazy? I wasn't going to dignify that scolding with my own response. Amount not okay (too high as usual) but I'll stay quiet and pay it anyway.

Purging - It Hurts So Good

There are two kinds of people - those that accumulate things and those that don't. To those that don't, my hat's off to you. I am not worthy. For the rest of us, accumulating things is an ongoing process. First you acquire things, then you store things. It's the storing things that has buried me. I'm pretty sure I'm not a hoarder (that Buried Alive show has traumatized us all) but I do tend to hang on to things too long. "But I might need that some day!!" Once when my friend tried to de-clutter me after I had my first child, she asked me the following question for everything she picked up, "Have you used this in the past year?" If it's no, toss it. Boy that's hard. Nothing gives me more pleasure than to need a box to mail or wrap something and be able to put my hands on just the right box! I know, I'm sad.

Well, there's hope on the horizon. Thanks to my friend "A," I am now engaged in weekly de-cluttering sessions with a buddy. Once a week, A and I spend 30 mins (okay, it's more like 2 hours) on a de-cluttering project at her house and then at my house. It's not a new concept, but we finally decided to do it and I highly recommend it. The beauty of it is, we're both very organized. We just can't let go of our own stuff so the other person purges it for you.

Ah, that feeling of space. I'm embracing it.

Sticker Shock

I never should have gone to Ecuador. My friend walked around with $3 in her pocket and it lasted the whole day!! Here? It's $4 for a tall pumpkin spice latte and $3 for a child size cup of Rita's. Really? I know, I need a reality check - Olney is not Guayaquil. But still. Is it possible things have gotten out of whack? Dare I say it, but I long for the old days. I've decided I just can't afford Starbucks and Rita's anymore....:(

Do I Have Choice?

I enjoy using the self-checkout lanes at Giant. With each swipe of a barcode, I delight in hearing the "Beep! Beep!" sounds of a successful scan. I've also grown accustomed to the mechanical voice. When a new voice was recently introduced in one of the self-checkout lanes, I was a bit taken aback; I thought, 'I'll have to use another lane next time. Maybe I'll -- in the words of Peter Gabriel -- hear that voice again.'

Sometimes the voice can be a bit impatient. At the end each transaction it commands: "Use the electronic pen to sign the signature tablet. When you are finished, please press DONE." Too busy putting away grocery/credit cards, bagging items and loading my cart, I'm often not quick enough; I then hear "USE the electronic pen to SIGN the signature tablet. When you are finished, PLEASE press DONE." If I am still fumbling with my wallet or chasing rolling fruit/cans, the voice insistently repeats: "USE THE ELECTRONIC PEN TO SIGN THE SIGNATURE TABLET. WHEN YOU--" and I sign quickly just to cut it off.

The most fun I have using the self-checkout aisle is talking back to the user screen. It always flashes the final sum with the question: "Amount Okay?" As if I had a choice. Do I have a choice? I didn't know I had a say in the final total!

"No, the amount is not okay," I retort, "I think the amount should be 50% lower." So far, no mechanical voice has replied, except with "Thank you for shopping at Giant."

Signs, Signs, Everywhere they're signs

Driving around with the girls and the firstborn asks, "Why are all these signs up with names like OMalley, Leventhal, Murphy, and Ehrlich? Well, time to explain politics, parties, and primary elections. I try to explain the difference between Republicans and Democrats. I don't even go there with the Tea Party. See, these people are running for Governor, county council, delegates, congress. I try to break it down because, who wants to hear about this stuff when you are just in your double digit age? I thought I gave an age appropriate, fair and balanced explanation. FOX light-news coverage for tweens and younger.

Then the bigger question, "When are they coming down?" Well, we just had a primary election that now decides who is running against who and for which party. Sorry, honey, but we going to see these signs until November. Get out and vote...

You Just Can't Fight Mother Nature

Keeping the house clean. Hmm, who thought it would be so hard? Why do we care? Is it only the mom that cares? (okay, I know there are some neat husbands out there).

So now, in addition to having to pick up after two kids and the various pets, I'm having to chase after stink bugs and squirrels. It's not that the stink bugs are messy, it's just that they're, well, weird. They remind me of manatees in Florida. They're harmless, but they're not pretty to look at and you don't want them in your living room. This morning I unpacked my suitcase from the weekend away (no, I don't unpack the minute I get home), and as I pulled out my blouse, there was a stink bug stuck to it. I don't think it was alive anymore but that's what's weird about them. You can't tell if they're alive or dead until they move. I'm happy to report that I've never actually smelled one but I can only imagine how bad it is if they've been coined with the name, "stink bug." The animal that's really driving me insane right now are the squirrels. I must have the most self-actualized Dogwood Tree known to man because it 'lets go' of so many things all over my patio all year long! Right now it's dropping these big prickly cherry things. The squirrels have decided these are as good as maraschinos because they're eating them voraciously. The problem is that it's creating the biggest mess on my patio. These things are tough to sweep away when they're whole. After the squirrels have worked on them, they're in a billion sticky pieces! If they're going to eat them, why don't they just eat them cleanly and not leave a chewed up mess! (note: I've said the same to my kids) I'm constantly sweeping!

As I sit here writing, a squirrel has just strolled onto the patio and picked up a cherry and is eating it! Right now! This minute! In front of me! It's like he knows I'm writing about him. Oh well. Always the mom, I guess it's good to know that he's getting a full stomach in time for winter.

Back to School Olney Housewife Style

After all the e-mails and checking the weather forecast the ladies decided to have their annual back to school lunch at Riccuiti's. Wendy and Sally liked being able to sit outside, Valerie liked that Riccuiti's used mostly local ingredients and had contributed to the Olney Farmer's Market, Kelly liked the fact that she always ran into someone she knew (honestly that happened anywhere they went) and Patty liked the martinis.

After they were seated on the patio and had given the waiter their drink order they dove in to the normal chit chat. "How are your kids adjusting to school?" "Fine, how about yours?" and so one.

They were half way into their first cocktail when Patty asked "Do y'all know Olney is having "a season" this year?"

Kelly smiled knowingly as Wendy asked, "what do you mean by a season?"

Patty explained, "there are two dinner dances at the end of October."

Sally said, "I know about the Sherwood Athletic Hall of Fame on the 30th, but what is the other one?"

Patty answered, "the other is the In Honor of Her costume ball on the 23rd."

Valerie said, "I went to it last year, isn't that the ball to raise money for survivors of domestic abuse and their children?"

Kelly answered, "Yes, it is run by Tommy and Michelle Tavernner, who used to own Mr. T.'s and Silo Inn. They started the foundation in memory of their niece who was killed by an act of domestic abuse. She left behind twin daughters."

Patty said, "Evidently she loved Halloween so they are having a full costume ball, Bittersweet is playing."

Wendy said, "Oh no, another Bittersweet event?"

Sally asked, "What's wrong with Bittersweet events."

Wendy, "Well I usually stay out to late, drink too much, and talk so loud that I lose my voice for a week."

Patty, "In other words you always have a great time."

Wendy, "Yea, until the next day."

Patty, "So who's going to what? I'm going to both."

Kelly, "I'm going to both."

Sally, "Of course you are you will probably know everyone. I'm definitely going to the Sherwood event."

Valerie, "I'm already in charge of tickets for the Sherwood Athletic Hall of Fame, I should find out if In Honor of Her needs any help.

Wendy, "I'll probably be at both."

Patty held up her mostly empty martini glass, "Heres to a fun filled October in O-town and waiter bring us another round."

Moving on Up in Olney

The Wifey and I have been in Olney in form or another for 15 years. We started out living in the Tamarron apartments in back of the the old movie theatre. We would love to call Subway, place our order, hang up, and walk over. By the time we got there, the subs were ready for pick up. Sundays, we would breakfast at BJ Pumpernickel. Boy, do we miss them. Sometimes, we would walk over to Einstein Brothers Bagels.
Wifey would love to go to open houses on Sundays. Sometimes I'd go with her and sometimes not. We were checking out a townhouse in the Cherrywood development when we saw what appeared to be an empty dwelling a few townhouses away. We noticed a piece of paper taped to the screen door. Upon investigation, we found out it was a HUD home and would soon be up for bids. We submitted our bid and presto, we got it. We had to get the back window replaced since there was a hole in it. Some new carpet, a family painting party, and the place looked good as new. We painted the bedrooms, re-did the bathroom, knocked down a wall, got new windows, new kitchen appliances, re-did the basement, got a new heating/ac system, started raising our girls there and then . . . we moved.
We've been in Olney Mill for almost five years. Great place to live, great neighbors. I was just telling my neighbor about our Olney journey. We're glad to be here.

Real Housewives of Olney - Sneak Peek

he e-mails are flying between the ladies trying to schedule the annual Back to School event. The ladies reminisce and remember how this event has evolved over the years.

Coffee and pastries at a home, while the pre-schoolers play. Conversations with complete sentences.

Breakfast out when youngest start pre-school, "We're out!"

When pre-schoolers start all-day school - Quick lunch of every appetizer on the menu. "Real food for lunch, I will never eat another PB&J sandwich again."

Used to all the children being in school - Leisurely lunch. "What teachers do you kids have?" "Mrs. So and So." "Oh no, I hear she is awful."

Oldest children entering middle school and becoming tweens, someone (Patty Party) suggests ordering a glass of wine with lunch. "Cheers"

Older children are starting high school (teen-agers), younger ones starting middle school (tweens) The wine becomes a martini. "Did Johnny pass his driver's test?"

Older children college, younger children in high school, keep the martinis coming. "Another round." We don't need to be home in time for the school bus and we are living with men and teenagers.

What will the ladies talk about this year, check back on Thursday.

Fields of Dreams

Anyone who lives here knows that Olney has so many things to recommend it--for example the "small town" feel, like our Sunday Farmer's Market, complemented by big-city amenities: three (soon to be four) supermarkets and not one, but TWO Starbucks! But our best kept secret may just be...OBGC. Not quite a mile down 108 lies an enormous complex of lush green fields where our children can romp and play (for a small fee, of course) every spring and fall. Baseball, football, soccer, lacrosse--it's a Small Person's Sportsman's Paradise. Starting today, continuing through the (hopefully) crisp days of October, I'll be standing on the sidelines, watching my little socceroos run amok on the well-manicured OBGC grass (my "facility fees" being put to good use, I see). With their teammates, they'll practice not only kicking and passing, but also what I like to think of as Soccer's Life Lessons...Be a good sport. Encourage your fellow players. Help someone up when they fall (or get pushed) down. Try your best. Work together. Have fun, whether you win or lose.

Throw in Gatorade and a tasty snack, and you've got the perfect way to spend some quality family weekend time!

Hoop Dreams

Recently, a free trial hula hoop exercise class was posted on the Olney-Brookeville Exchange and I just had to try it! I've heard that hula hooping is a fabulous cardio workout that tones the core. After arriving at the gym, I chose from a selection of adult-size (42"-44"), weighted (1-2 lbs), shimmering, brightly-taped hoops constructed of sturdy tubing. This equipment was serious -- not your kid's lightweight plastic toy!

After each person selected a hoop suited to her size, the class started with warmup stretches, using the hoop like a ballet barre. We then began spinning, whirling the hoops around our waists, first clockwise, then counterclockwise. I smiled as I twirled away, hoop gliding around my middle. When the instructor told us to try changing positions (i.e. stretching a foot back and bending the knee), however, my hoop gradually began to drop down. And then plop onto the floor. I picked it up and started over. The hoop rolled around my waist, and then slowly sunk to the floor again. The pattern was becoming apparent -- the hoop revolved a bit and then gradually fell to a thud. I may know how to hula hoop straight (in place, not doing much else) but I need to work on variations.

My abdomen began feeling a little sore; yes, that was my core working! Then I noticed my waist feeling a bit itchy. During one of my personal lulls after the hoop clunked to the floor, I surreptitiously pulled up my shirt to peek at my stomach -- which was a light shade of pink! Not to fear -- the instructor and a veteran student reassured me that I was just getting used to the exercise hoops. I gamely twirled on, scratching my stomach and sides when no one was looking (a bit tricky to do while trying to keep a hoop up and rotating).

We finished the session with more stretching and yoga-like stances. This time, we used the hoop to center ourselves, imagining a circle of energy to harness. I ended up leaning on my hoop while lunging into a forward pose. I suddenly thought, 'Uh-oh, what if I break the hoop?!' First the itching, now the cracking (sound of a hoop collapsing under my weight). My hoop dream of smooth spinning would turn into a nightmare of embarrassment! Luckily, the hoop held up and I righted myself before any potential damage. Whew! I gave hula hooping a whirl and had a blast.. without blasting a hoop.

Real Housewives of Olney

Without further ado I would like to introduce you to the Real Housewives of Olney:

Sally Sport - 5'6", 120 lbs., blonde hair, OBGC sweatshirt with comfortable jeans and athletic shoes. Ponytail thread through the back of a Norbeck Country Club baseball cap, light make-up, minimal jewelry. She is a stay at home mom who is never home. She drives a Ford Expedition which is where she spends most of her time. Her motto is, "I am Olney's biggest athletic supporter."

Valerie Volunteer - Short with a few extra pounds, brunette, nice jeans and a cute top, think Ann Taylor Loft. Tasteful jewelry, low heels, neatly applied make-up. Works part-time, is involved in everything from the PTA to the HOA. She is even starting to get involved in local politics. Her motto is, "They couldn't afford to hire me, so I do it for free."

Wendy Walker - Fit and tan, petite and trim. She is usually in fitness wear. Hair is almost always in a ponytail under a baseball cap. Minimal if any make-up and jewelry. She works from home as a consultant. When she is not walking the streets of Olney she is at Fitness First on the cardio machines, in spin class or working out with a personal trainer. Her motto is "I am all about multi-tasking. I can walk the dog, visit with friends, book parties and work out at the same time."

Patty Party - Tall, slim, beautiful and always ready for a party. She is always dressed in the latest fashions with high heels, bling and a new designer bag. Her hair is cut fashionably short and her makeup is expertly applied. She makes an entrance when she walks into a room. She attends everything usually to find out where the party is. She is a full time travel agent. Martini lunches, happy hours, if there are drinks and friends she is there. Her motto is, "If it is happening in the greater Olney area I'm there."

Kelly Knowle - Her motto is "I may not do everything, but I know everything." Kelly is medium height, appropriate weight with medium length brown hair. She wears her hair down as often as she wears it in a ponytail. Her wardrobe is the most diverse of all the housewives with athletic clothes, casual and some more fashionable items. She always looks great, no matter where you run into her. She is a work from home mom. She knows where to be seen and who to talk with to stay in the know.

The Real Housewives of Olney are fictional characters, any resemblance to actual people is purely coincidental. The events and places discussed in this series of blog posts will mostly be real places and real events. I am not reporting on events so creative license will be taken. Let me also say that I have the utmost respect and admiration for all the housewives in Olney who give their time, their talents and their knowledge to make Olney the wonderful place it is. Our children and husbands are lucky to have us and the community we make.

Check back every Thursday (maybe Friday) to find out what the housewives are making happen in our little corner of the world. Note: Cross posted at www.BlogByB.com

Five good years

Yesterday marked the fifth anniversary of the day we purchased our home in Olney. Five years ago we were living in a townhouse in Gaithersburg, I was pregnant with our first child, and the housing market was at its peak. We knew we wanted to capitalize on the gains in the value of our townhouse to get a single-family home, as well as a little more space and quiet. We wanted to stay in Montgomery County, but we knew we could go anywhere.

We chose Olney.

I remember the moment we pulled into the not-yet-ours driveway to look through the house we now live in. The sun was low in the sky and the whole street looked golden. Two or three families were chatting in the middle of the street, and I remember thinking, what a lovely quiet street. It must receive so little traffic if everyone just gathers in the middle like that.

We walked through the home and thought it might be just want we want. We had one other home in mind, one in Rockville, and every feature in this house was compared in our minds against the Rockville address.

This one had a bigger yard. That one had a bigger bathtub. This one had a longer commute. That one had a more congested neighborhood. This one cost more, but that one needed a lot more work. We walked through the rooms again and again, thinking, is this the one? Which house is right for us?

We walked outside in the summer dusk and one of the adults from the conversation on the street called over to us. "So are you going to be our new neighbors?"

"I don't know," I called back. "Should we be?"

"For this street, you have to have kids!" called a second person, gesturing to the crew on bicycles and scooters and blowing bubbles in the last light.

I pointed to my rounding belly. "Four more months," I called out. "We'll have one soon."

"So buy the house!" yelled a third prospective neighbor. "You'll love it here!"

And we did. The strangers who encouraged the most hope-fueled purchase we've ever made are now our friendly neighbors. We had that first baby and added another two kids and we finished the basement. We took out some tree limbs and we chatted over fence posts and bubbles, now blown by our own babes, floating into sunsets.

There's a house down the hill at the end of our street that's for sale now. If we saw any prospective buyers looking about, I'd tell them:

Buy the house. You'll love it here.

For the Love of Olney

When I was growing up Sundays meant dinner with family. One particular Sunday during my junior year in high school my grandmother asked me if I knew anything about an accident in Olney. She said she was driving on Rt. 108 at about 10:30 on Thursday morning and there were a few cars pulled off to the side of the road with someone wrapped in a blanket. She went on to say one of the cars was a candy apple red Mustang convertible that looked just like my car. I assured her I didn't know anything, I was in school at 10:30 on Thursday morning.

I lied. I had taken a friend home to get her homework and I hit a dog. The dog had run into the street right in front of The Olney House (Riccuiti's). Of course I stopped, but someone else did also. They wrapped the dog in a blanket and took it to Town and Country Animal Clinic. After school I went to the clinic and asked Dr. Wendy how the dog was and if they had found the owners. She told me the dog was going to be fine and they had found the owners. She also told me I should not be leaving school during the day, but she wouldn't tell my parents, this time.

Olney has changed. Sunday dinner has been replaced by drinks at the Grille, family has become friends who happen to live close by, but the sense of community found in and around Olney has stayed the same. I know my kids do things they shouldn't do, but I also know there are people like my grandmother and Dr. Wendy who see them doing it.

Olney has made the transition from a family oriented farm town to a community oriented suburb of a major city. There are many reasons and many people who have made this happen, but in the end it is the housewives of Olney who maintain the community that make this such a great place for families.

Given the popularity of Bravo TVs Real Housewives franchise I have decided to begin a series about The Real Housewives of Olney. My plan is to write a new blog post every Thursday looking at Olney through the eyes of the Housewives. I have created 5 fictional characters who I will introduce to you this Thursday. My goal is to keep the series light and fun while celebrating the uniqueness of Olney and those of us who live here.

The Real Housewives of Olney are fictional characters, any resemblance to actual people is purely coincidental. The events and places discussed in this series of blog posts will mostly be real places and real events. I am not reporting facts so creative license will be taken. Let me also say that I have the utmost respect and admiration for all the housewives in Olney who give their time, their talents and their knowledge to make Olney the wonderful place it is. Our children and husbands are lucky to have us and the community we make.

Check back Thursday to meet The Real Housewives of Olney.

running away from home

I was 6 the first time I ran away from home, it wasn’t the only time I would do this, but the memory is clear in my head: The fear and the freedom. Anxiety and exhilaration all wrapped up in a little 6 year old body like a package waiting to be opened. At 6 the idea that I, or anyone for that matter, could exist on their own is laughable, but not to a 6 year old. It was a completely empowering experience, until of course it started raining. But, for those 45 minutes I was free of the tyranny of rules, expectations, consequences, parents! I was my own person, free to do whatever my heart desired. Delusional, I know, but still thrilling. That heady feeling of course can’t last and that realization requires that one grow up a bit. But the appeal of that feeling remains today. I still run away from home occasionally, only now it’s my kids, my husband and even the dog I am escaping. That feeling of freedom isn’t quite the same as when I was six and unlike then, I know now it can’t last. But still, there’s always the next time.